The Moment Could Soon Arrive for Slow-Churned Froot Loops, and Other Thrilling Product Innovations

Every once in a while, someone comes up with a truly great new product: The Tesla. The Fit-Bit. The Pop-Tart.Yet most of the time … they don’t. They come up with a tiny twist on an old product and expect us to give a whoop. That’s hard, especially when you know their secret: They use — unless I’m mistaken — the Skenazy New-ish Product Generator.You can, too. Just mix and match from columns A and B, or go hog-wild and string together A, B, B+, and C. Or go super-hip and try C, B, A. Fire-roasted Froot Loops and Flamin’ Hot crumb cakes await.Hurry, before corporate America beats you to them.Column A AntibioticProbioticProud-independent-bioticShade-grownCold brewPainfully crunchyWhole-grainVegan-smokedSlow-churnedHome-schooledLactose extremely intolerantGarden-harvestedHouse-arrestedFire-roastedFire-burnt-to-a-crispYogurt-coveredTension-bustingGrain-fedHormone-drenchedCavity-fightingCucumber-melonSoft-bakedShape-shiftingCauliflower-obsessedPepper-glazedNo-rinseDulce de lecheSuper-chunky-to-the-point-of-being-almost-solidGreen teaWhite teaGreenish-whitish teaQuintuple-creamLiteNever-even-MET-a-trans-fatCinnamon-honeyGreek Flamin’ hotFlamin’ hot Greek Column B Crumb cakeCokeCoffeeCrestFroot LoopsTumsDiet PepsiDryer sheetsBacon stripsSoftsoapAquafinaHaagen-DazsOreosSpaghettiO’sCheeriosButter substituteMargarine substituteSubstitute substituteApplesauceHot PocketsRanch dressingBaby wipesPretzel bitesTurkey dogsProtein barsFritosBurritosDoritosMojitosEspresso beansInstant matcha SpanxSpanx-For-Your-EarsTideB + — OPTIONAL For menColumn C — With …A splash of juiceA hint o’ mintA gram o’ hamA drop o’ slopLotsa matzahCitrus-lavender-yoga-mat freshnessPomegranate molassesTeeth-whitening agentsTeeth-replacing agents — NEWInsurance agentsGrapefruit extractGinseng swirlsPortobello flakesSquid-ink stain packetsBreath-reviving micro-beadsSkin-softening moisture sporesSubatomic Parmesan particlesQuick-acting vodkaMarshmallows and speltGarlic ‘n’ ginkgoYet more honey and cinnamon87 percent pure cacaoKetamine krunchiesPepper puffsPanko pantiesExtra, nigh on explosive, fiberThree Greek brothers and their sheepOr — when all else fails — Lime Creators.com

The Moment Could Soon Arrive for Slow-Churned Froot Loops, and Other Thrilling Product Innovations

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